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Understanding the Various Stages of Healing after a Loss (Lifestyle Therapy)
Susan Leigh is a long established Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who helps clients to cope and recover from the trauma and readjustment of loss or death, to sudden career changes or health issues. Visit www.lifestyletherapy.net for more information.
Loss and death are facts of life. Being protected from these experiences is not necessarily a good thing, as disappointments, hurt and emotional pain are all part of the necessary emotional range in human life.
Children and Loss:
Children can experience hurt and loss early in life, from a significant broken toy, to the loss of a family pet. The death of an elderly grandparent can seem a little abstract to young children, but children are resilient and can learn to cope, depending on their spiritual beliefs, family closeness and how parents and close adults handle the situation and communicate with them. Showing respect to the deceased, telling affectionate, positive stories, looking at photographs together can all help with the child's understanding and adjustment. Some children can feel uneasy or confused if they are excluded from being told what has happened. They can end up wondering what is going on, feel unsettled or insecure. It is important to be firm, reassuring and supportive and tell them as much as they can understand.
Similarly, divorce and the breakdown of the family home can affect children in different ways. They will frequently take their lead from the important adult figures in their lives. Having someone they trust to talk through concerns and fears with can help enormously in coping and healing the sense of loss and trauma, especially if a home or school move has also been necessary. Being respectful of the absent partner and remembering that there are two parents who loved each other once and who are not wanting to split up from the children are key elements in trying to keep a balance where the children are concerned.
Loss of a Lifestyle:
People can also grieve for the loss of a lifestyle, especially if there does not appear to be a ready alternative available. The loss of a career, job, business is especially difficult in later life, as it can signify the end of a viable, dynamic phase and the movement into a retired or lesser stage of usefulness. Finding other outlets, in hobbies, charity work, retraining can be important in recovering self esteem and stimulus.
Some people may grieve for their lost health and lifestyle after a sudden unexpected illness or after an attack or a crime has been committed against them. Readjustment after this type of experience can bring its own frustrations as it can be hard to come to terms with why it has happened.
Death:
The death of a significant other is something that features more and more in our thoughts as we get older. However, friends, colleagues and, sometimes, young people die. Having to cope with these situations is a very difficult lesson, and sometimes people never recover from it fully.
Several stages have been identified in the grief and loss transition process. These stages can be gone through in any order, last as long as they need to and may well be repeated, until the person is feeling better again. How long this process takes can be dependant on how sudden the death or change was. Having some warning or notice can give a person time to prepare themselves for what is to come. This cycle can be applied to other areas of loss, like a relationship split or other key breakup.
The Healing Cycle:
- Shock is the initial reaction, comprising of pain, disbelief and even numbness or no feeling at all.
- Denial is where there is a refusal to accept the loss. 'It is not true, I do not believe it' are typical reactions here.
- Bargaining can include negotiation. 'If I promise this, will you do that', for example I'll be good if you make it right. This may be said to God, a Higher Power or whomever is felt to be responsible.
- Anger is the stage of frustration, fury - 'how could this happen', 'after all I have done', ' why has this happened to me', 'I don't deserve it',' it's not fair', and so on. This is the stage where some sense is trying to be made of it all, but where there are no ready answers.
- Depression or grieving is where the terrible sense of loss is pervasive. Not wanting to carry on, everything feeling pointless, is typical of this stage. Understanding that this is a key part of the recovery process can be difficult to come to terms with. Being gentle with oneself at this stage is important.
- Acceptance is when one is coming through the process. Appreciating the value that the person or relationship brought into our life, the shared experiences, new opportunities, and how that person lives on through us, and maybe our children, even if that person or relationship is no longer around.
Understanding and working through all these stages can help in recovering and coming to a better quality of life. We may never know the answer to the 'why me ?' question, but we can move on and recover a new, hopefully calmer quality of life.
For further information:
Understanding the Various Stages of Healing after a Loss
Lifestyle Therapy
3 Alstone Drive
Oldfield Brow
Altrincham
Cheshire
WA14 4LD
United Kingdom
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News Ref:1659
Counselling for Couples (Lifestyle Therapy)
Susan Leigh is a South Manchester based Counsellor and Hypnotherapist with over 20 years experience. See her new website, www.lifestyletherapy.net
Most of us like to have that special someone in our life, someone to come home to, a friend, a lover, a confidante to share the good and the bad with. Our thoughts, ideas or just our time with.
Over time that relationship may well be almost forgotten about because it's there, all the time, winter and summer, and it can be very easy, in the midst of other pressing demands on our time and attention, to commit all our energy and enthuiasm to a growing family or cultivating a career or getting our finances in a better place.
When a relationship feels good and is easy and comfortable, it can be all too easy to put that relationship on the back burner and let it take care of itself. It's only when our partner starts to perhaps get a little restless with us or appear disinterested in us, or starts to do other things away from us that we may well start to get that wake up call and realise that all is not well.
This wake up call can be just that and does not necessarily signify the end of a relationship. In fact, it can be the start of a new, more mature and loving phase of the relationship.
Start by identifying what is going on, what is going wrong for your partner. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. They may feel bored, not listened to, not loved, taken for granted. They may be aware of getting older and have unfulfilled dreams and desires that they wanted or still want to achieve.
Take time out to commit to an undisturbed conversation with your partner. Some people find that they can do this at home and they switch off the TV, the telephone and any other distractions. Other people may find it easier to go to a neutral place like a restaurant or bar, where they can talk and have a pleasant evening together. Other people like the structure of a couples counselling session, where the counsellor provides a neutral environment and ensures that both people have time to talk, uninterrupted by the other, say what they want to say and keep to the relevant topic, not digress into other subject areas away from what is really important.
Whichever option is chosen, it's important to maintain the committment to each other and not treat it as a one off exercise.
Some examples can be :
- Have a meal together once a week. Even if it's at home, shower, put on nice clothes, make up or shave. Set the table. Remember what it was that attracted you to each other in the first place. Take care to listen to each other. Be genuinely interested in what you are being told. Ask questions. Remember what you have been told. It can take a little time for this to become a relaxed and enjoyable part of your life, but it is worth it.
- Take time to go for a walk, stop and have a drink in a country pub along the way.
- Find an interest that you both can enjoy, like a project in the garden.
- Shared interests don't have to be expensive. Just interests that you can share.
For further information:
Counselling for Couples in South Manchester
Lifestyle Therapy
3 Alstone Drive
Oldfield Brow
Altrincham
Cheshire
WA14 4LD
United Kingdom
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News Ref:1473
Hampshire Counselling Service (Hampshire Counselling Service)
Hampshire Counselling Service offers a private and confidential range of services for clients and their families including counselling, anxiety, addictions, alcoholism, stress, relationship difficulties, anger management and family support.
When you contact Hampshire Counselling Service, an appointment will be made for an initial interview.This is a free assessment, held in a relaxed and informal setting, after which a personalised therapeutic programme will be arranged.
Their programme is a solution focused using widely accepted models and aproaches.These provide a beneficial and rewarding opportunity to move forward and regain control of your life.
Hampshire Counselling Service can help you or someone you know.
For further information:
Hampshire Counselling Service
Hampshire Counselling Service
82a High Street
Cosham
Hampshire
PO6 3AJ
United Kingdom
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News Ref:1379
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